Wednesday, 25 April 2012

May the bridges I burn light the way

Through my experiences, the toughest thing to do has always been growing up. Nothing else. Being a teenager is hard. College is challenging, friends come and go, bodies and emotions go through major changes and so on. We all know that life isn’t that simple and that throughout our journey in life we might face numerous challenges, problems and setbacks. How you fix them is a tool for your self-development and

When I think about who I was in the past few months compared to the person I am today, all i can say is Alhamdulillah. I notice changes, which make me feel good about it. I've been considering wearing hijab since about last year, but the time never seemed right. (Silly little reasons. There will always ALWAYS seem to be little barriers ) Sigh

Anyways, last 2 years, 2010, i started my college (KMK) and was placed among most of the Muslim people who are quite righteous. Honestly, I didn't wish to be in that place when I first came, I felt so alienated cause of our differences. It wasn't because of the races but most of the people there are too good to be true which make me feel a little bit awkward to mix around. Seeing most girls wear hijabs and make me feel so inferior to face them, I do feel ashamed of myself :S

Life went on although it was really hard to adapt, but everyday since then I have always dreamt of a NEW me, I wanted to change myself in some ways, like completely covering myself. I just did not have the guts where to start. Sounded silly for me, but this wouldnt happen if I considered wearing during childhood. At times, I did some kind of deep thoughts tracing back the cause what is leading me to the wrong path. Yet, I failed. To find any. Cause everything starts from you, from me! myself! and I! I was being too invigilance that I kept letting dunya step on me . Astaghfirullah.

I believe in the saying of “Each person’s task in life is to become an increasingly better person.” -Leo Tolstoy. It was on early morning that Hijab got on my conscience and would not go away. I told myself that I was not ready, that there were many strings attached that I may not be able to fulfil, but with the right words from supportive family I told myself that if I didn't start now, I would never start. And I believed that 200%. So I no longer had any excuse for not doing Hijab. So Alhamdulilah, I finally put on my Hijab on 1st April 2011 at the age of 19 and have been wearing it ever since.

After a month or so, I realized that Hijab was not as big a deal as I had thought. It was not difficult in the least. To this day there has never been a moment that I regretted Hijab, and for that I am so grateful, Alhamdulillah. I immediately found many friends who also wear Hijab. My family and friends were the greatest strength for my new found Iman (faith).

It was that day that I learned that every bit of pain we endure, both emotional and physical, alleviates us from our punishments in the hereafter. It was then that I started truly understanding the ways of Allah, how everything that happens has a purpose and that I was supposed to learn from that.

Yes people look and gasp but at the end of the day, your hair isn't the most important thing in someone's life. Mashallah the muslim sisters were fantastic. As for the non- muslims, most of them were fine and understood the significance of it. One or two will keep their distance but that will be expected.

I'm taking this one day at a time now. Its still a bit difficult to get used to, as well as the responsibilities that come with it but Insha'allah I'll have the strength to wear this forever if Allah wills.


p/s : "Mujahadah itu pahit, syurga itu manis" #notetoself