Friday, 16 December 2011

Not feeling well these days :' (
Agonizing headache.
Unbearable toothache 
Ya, Allah tabahkan lah hatiku untuk dugaan ini, kuatkanlah imanku lagi :'(

Thursday, 15 December 2011

To realize the value of one MONTH, ask the mother who gave birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of one DAY, ask the editor of a daily newspaper,To realize the value of one MINUTE, ask the man who just missed the train. To realize the value of one SECOND, ask the person who just avoided an accident.

Just remember to live your everyday as your last, you'll never know

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

All along your life, people come and go. Some hurt you, some make you smile, but each one of them leaves something of theirs with us. The new lessons they teach us, the new aspects of life they show us, making us better equipped to face the world. STRONGER. and some motivate you in a certain way, who never get tired of giving words of encouragement to you : )

Gosh, how I missed my friends back in Malaysia. I missed all of em! I have a lot of closed friends (not bragging) but it's a fact lol and I missed our times together. Sigh. I wonder will they ever be the same when I come back in the future? Or will we get to relive those days when I come back? This thing does boggle around my mind sometimes. I hate changes. But I gotta accept and live with it right? Hmm :/

Friends here are still new for me, but sometimes it's hard to be myself all the time, I mean yeah you can't really show who you are to them, I don't wanna scare them off later lol. But but but some of them are super nice people! I think if I were to open up more to them, I'm very sure we'll be good friends : D Maybe I shall start to stop caring about how people perceive me. Some will like me and some wont. Either attitude is as likely to be right or wrong. True? I sometimes feel a bit caught up in constantly wondering "Do they think I'm funny? Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid? Am I good/clever enough to be a part of their group of friends? I think to be myself i've got to let go of these concerns and just let my behavior flow. I'm imperfect, growing and learning human being, yes no?

So, yeah ;)

Sunday, 4 December 2011

We push ourselves so we can have a better tomorrow. Why can’t we push to have a better today? We work hard so that we will appreciate life in the future. Why can’t we appreciate what we have right now, today? We worry about dying and forever being forgotten. Why can’t we focus on living in the present and being remembered in the heart of a single individual by making a difference in their life, today?

everyday we face different circumstances and some of it are beyond our control, but as hard as it may be, “giving up” should not be an option. just make it through this day…

Friday, 2 December 2011

Only when we are no longer afraid to do, we begin to live.

I need my momentum back!
The unending-sacrifices I have made to excel in everything I participated in matriculation has now worn out. No, Elina. No. This is not the way! You gotta bring back.
I still remember how I instilled love in learning everything. I missed that. I missed the way how I used to be a result-oriented person before which I struggled to get everything I wanted. And it all paid off at the end of the day. It's okay it's not too late. I need to regain my direction, focus my mind on goals and start to do something about it.

: ) Sometimes i tend to take my strengths for granted and dwell on my failures. I hope this time, there won't be any, insyaAllah

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Priceless experiences in Egypt

Of the 60 + days I spent in Egypt, each day carries with them a unique collection of memories and stories that have all too often been left untold. With each passing day, another memory of life in Egypt vanishes and another story is permanently lost, but some memories are meant to be stored in my mind.

Lot of things have happened, some are good, but some are just not worth to keep. Knowing egyptians is interesting for me but most I encountered are annoying and they just deserve your cursing words. : 0) 

But I'm glad to meet new friends here : ) It helps me to learn new things. It somehow makes me feel better about myself :3 

So, here's some of the things I experience since I came here :

- Traffic here is a total nightmare! The drivers are nuts. They would simply increase their speed whenever they see pedestrians (especially malaysians) by the road and some would even intentionally drive towards you and turn the car away. pissed off isn't it? They behave really uncivilized here, even when driving. and there's a reason why there's no ease in the flow of traffic here. I experienced this before, we almost got hit and what we did was just cursing lol. 

The Mansourian taxi is at once a blessing to tourists, but can also be the cause of much frustration. Taxis in Mansoura do not use meters, or any fixed system at all. All the taxis have meters, but will never use them. Every once in a while I have heard stories of taxi drivers turning on the meter when they have foreigners in the car, and then trying to charge them the price on the meter, which is much more than the usual. So if your driver tries to turn on the meter, or charge you the fare on the meter, immediately tell him no, and if he refuses, leave. I still remember when the driver cheated on us, he fixed a certain amount of LE but charged us more when we got out of the car. Don't let the driver take advantage of you, seriously you cant act good here, you have to be nasty at times and show that you are not gullible. There were a few times when they tried to rip us off just because we are foreigners, but all you need to do is just walk away and tell him the price is fair. In my case, I usually end up with arguments. 

- People here, mostly narrow-minded ones always call Malaysians 'huga huga or abuya' it means a description of 'orang asli'. It's due to our Malaysia tourism advertise pictures and videos of Gunung Kinabalu, Gua, so they assume we people live in the cave etc. Tell me how small-minded can they be? They just need to be educated in Malaysia, seriously. Plus, most of them don't even understand English, it's kinda hard to communicate and the best part is whenever you say something, bad word like 'stupid', they will just laugh cause they don't know what the hell that word is. lol. 

- Some of them are quite rude and so annoying. I am appalled at the way men behave in this culture. They  are just bloody rude. Ah, get me away from this people please. And some of them are just sex maniacs. So far I have never been groped or what and that makes me really thankful enough but one of the worst parts of this is that dealing with the stupid and rude people are affecting my view of the Egyptian culture and I feel so bad about feeling that way. So, it’s a cycle. I get angry, and then I’m angry for being angry. I tell myself I need to think of it from their perspective, I need to be more patient, I need to be x,y,z. But, I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to make excuses anymore. I don’t want to feel like I need to “be” a certain something or accept being treated with such disrespect.

-Pollution, this, unfortunately, is a major down-side of living in Egypt. The air pollution is ridiculous.  Almost everyone smokes including some little kids and women (biggest turn-off ever).  Supposedly, breathing the air in Mansoura City is equivalent to smoking twenty cigarettes a day.  I managed to have some allergies when I first arrived though I have never had allergies for a quite long time! Furthermore, there were even a couple instances where I would get random nose bleeds in the beginning. 

- Noise pollution is something else too. Everyone honks their car like there's no tomorrow. I have heard of people having to replace their car-horn every three months (i didnt know this was possible) but i gotta put up with it for the 6 friggin years, man!

- Different language we speak make it even harder to ask for help. Sometimes i find it funny when we just respond 'aiwa' whenever the cab driver tries to initiate a conversation with us. God knows what he's thinking.

I have had an amazing time in Egypt thus-far, alhamdulillah. And everywhere you go you would meet all this kind of people, not only in Egypt, everywhere. But, don't get paranoid easily : ) I really have a countless life-experience in egypt but i barely remember all of them. Hehe. Will post another, when I could flashback them : )

A pat on the back. *grins*

Today i woke up a bit late than the days before. As in very late. But i managed to be at the lecture hall before the lecturer came in. A big relief I must say.

Usually on Mondays, Our first PBL is ongoing. Today, it was just another Monday. The same ol thing happened. We'd been given a new case and brainstormed the objectives. Since it is a student-centered programme, we have to go through the case, discuss among us and pick up the snippets of information which could potentially be the aims. Today, I was coming down with an unstable state of mind. I just didn't feel good, didn't feel like doing anything. I felt situation in the PBL class was too stressful. Was it because of our Dr talked about test results or was it something else? I couldn't figure out. But all I could say was I was stressed which led to depression and I became sad. Sigh. Felt there was a huge brick hitting me and I need to get it out off my chest. Get me??!? I hate myself when it comes to coping up with emotions. I let my emotions speak up and it all showed in my facial expressions. That was what happened that morning. Hmm.  I just wished to bury my head in the sand and pretended I was fine, enjoyed and got active in the discussion but it wasn't easy. I just kept quiet from the scratch up to the last minute of discussion.

Finally, we dismissed. Ah, I just wanted to be home quick and sleep! That's what i do best whenever I feel so down. If you see me sleeping and eating a lot, it means something is wrong. lol.

Khairina and I waited for Zulaikha outside our class at the pavement. So we did a bit of talking with other girls who dismissed a bit earlier than us. I stood still, leaned my body on the wall while just lending ears of what they were talking. Then I saw my lecturer, Dr Sohayla walked out of our PBL class with another lecturer (maybe). From far, I just greeted her and said thanks for the lesson. She then grabbed my hands and said 'how are you, dear, i wanna talk to you' she touched my hands in a reassuring way, ask me how i want to be helped and took me to a quieter place.

This was our conversation

Dr : Are you okay, my dear? Do you have something bothering you?
Me : No, dr, I'm just fine, it's just that I feel a lil bit stressed-out.
Dr : Why? You have other problems?
Me : No, I think its regarding my studies. I feel that I have been really unproductive these days.
Dr : No, it's okay dear. Come, let's talk somewhere *we headed to our pbl class*

Dr : Why, Elina, why? Do you have any problem?
Me : My studies, Dr. I'm disappointed with myself. My results doesn't measure up to my expectation. I expected something high, but ... That's why i feel a bit depressed.
Dr : No, Elina. It's okay dear. I have always believed and expected good results from you. I know you can do it. But do you have other problems? Relationship with people?
*she thought I had strain with one of my tutor mates, lol*
Me : Relationship with people? I'm fine with everyone. Maybe it's just me.
Dr : In studies, not to worry, I always have hopes in you. If you need notes or anything, come straight to me. Don't be sad.
Me : Thank you dr, I'm sorry I disappointed you a lot.
Dr : Nothing, you never. Just believe in yourself. Try your best to get what you want. I trust your capabilities.
*She hugged me and gave me pats on the back and shoulder*
Me : *touching gila* Thanks dr, you are so kind. Appreciate your time.
Dr : Whenever you have problems, come see me.

TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEELL???????? :P I felt relieved. Ya Allah, thank you so much for everything you have planned for me. I'm so thankful to have that kind of lecturer, it reminds me of the lecturers who taught me back then in high school and matrix. :')

Her voice was warm and caring as she soothed me after a fall and she continued comforting me with calm words. So toucheddddd =') I loved it when we took turns in a conversation and she waited expectantly for me to express my feelings : ) She's just a someone who is pleasant to communicate. I love people who always have believed in me and people who don't make me feel inadequate. I promise to make you proud of me! : ) 

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