Saturday, 5 November 2011

Deep down

Today is my last day in Penang. I need to do a last-ditch attempt to make sure all the prime stuff orderly equipped before leaving tomorrow. It's hard, I feel that my feet are frozen to scared and unmovable. I have had this feeling to go or not to go, But this is all about my future. The future I have always had imagined myself as I would like to be, doing what I want to do, and I'm about to take one step towards my dream. now I'm packing for that. Things are well-packed, but in terms of mind and soul, I honestly am not mentally prepared for it. Time flies so fast. I still remember when I told a friend of mine I'm leaving this October and she said 'Lama lagi, ada few more months to go' She somehow has taken my thought of leaving soon away. Yet now, it's a different story, all I have got is less than 24 hours to leave.

The hardest thing to do is to leave people you love. The worth-remembering memories I had with them, the pieces of my heart I left for them, it doesn't matter how often you meet or never meet or you only cyberchat with them, still it puts impact on you when it comes to the people you love. I am easily drowning with emotions when I reminisce every moment of it. Sometimes I get carried away with my feelings but that's just me : (

So, I woke up at 5 am, I did not really sleep well last night, i felt mind-interfering somehow made me harder to sleep. : / Again, I did a final check. And At 7am in the morning, we headed to KL. Along the way, I had this mixed-up emotions. I couldn't take so much notice of how I feel. I've come at a point of knowing nothing how to prevent emotions from arising. And too much of 'what ifs' on my mind.

What if I don't feel ease when I reach there?
What if I couldn't stop feeling homesick and couldn't face the emotional impacts for missing too much my family?
What if the people there are not as good as people in Malaysia?
What if this and that?

I was just too overwhelmed with my supererogative thoughts. : / Hamstrung by fear and trials : /
In my car, I spent most of my times talking to my mom and dad. There were times I couldn't stop tears from rolling down. That's how emotional I could be :3 I cried real hard, dude! Haha. Such a cry baby. Hehe. Its true what most people say, if you cry alot, the tendency for you to doze off is easier than ever. So, I fell asleep. It wasn't a sufficient sleep, yet it was good enough to just ease your mind and rest your eyes for a spell. I felt just calm.

Reached our hotel roughly about 12pm. Had lunch with the family. Felt really good. Cause I believe a well-spent day is a day with your family. : )

My daylight time ended at 1am, was half-aslept and body was barely functional. Gotta hit the sack.


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