Friday, 16 December 2011

Not feeling well these days :' (
Agonizing headache.
Unbearable toothache 
Ya, Allah tabahkan lah hatiku untuk dugaan ini, kuatkanlah imanku lagi :'(

Thursday, 15 December 2011

To realize the value of one MONTH, ask the mother who gave birth to a premature baby. To realize the value of one DAY, ask the editor of a daily newspaper,To realize the value of one MINUTE, ask the man who just missed the train. To realize the value of one SECOND, ask the person who just avoided an accident.

Just remember to live your everyday as your last, you'll never know

Tuesday, 13 December 2011

All along your life, people come and go. Some hurt you, some make you smile, but each one of them leaves something of theirs with us. The new lessons they teach us, the new aspects of life they show us, making us better equipped to face the world. STRONGER. and some motivate you in a certain way, who never get tired of giving words of encouragement to you : )

Gosh, how I missed my friends back in Malaysia. I missed all of em! I have a lot of closed friends (not bragging) but it's a fact lol and I missed our times together. Sigh. I wonder will they ever be the same when I come back in the future? Or will we get to relive those days when I come back? This thing does boggle around my mind sometimes. I hate changes. But I gotta accept and live with it right? Hmm :/

Friends here are still new for me, but sometimes it's hard to be myself all the time, I mean yeah you can't really show who you are to them, I don't wanna scare them off later lol. But but but some of them are super nice people! I think if I were to open up more to them, I'm very sure we'll be good friends : D Maybe I shall start to stop caring about how people perceive me. Some will like me and some wont. Either attitude is as likely to be right or wrong. True? I sometimes feel a bit caught up in constantly wondering "Do they think I'm funny? Does she think I'm fat? Do they think I'm stupid? Am I good/clever enough to be a part of their group of friends? I think to be myself i've got to let go of these concerns and just let my behavior flow. I'm imperfect, growing and learning human being, yes no?

So, yeah ;)

Sunday, 4 December 2011

We push ourselves so we can have a better tomorrow. Why can’t we push to have a better today? We work hard so that we will appreciate life in the future. Why can’t we appreciate what we have right now, today? We worry about dying and forever being forgotten. Why can’t we focus on living in the present and being remembered in the heart of a single individual by making a difference in their life, today?

everyday we face different circumstances and some of it are beyond our control, but as hard as it may be, “giving up” should not be an option. just make it through this day…

Friday, 2 December 2011

Only when we are no longer afraid to do, we begin to live.

I need my momentum back!
The unending-sacrifices I have made to excel in everything I participated in matriculation has now worn out. No, Elina. No. This is not the way! You gotta bring back.
I still remember how I instilled love in learning everything. I missed that. I missed the way how I used to be a result-oriented person before which I struggled to get everything I wanted. And it all paid off at the end of the day. It's okay it's not too late. I need to regain my direction, focus my mind on goals and start to do something about it.

: ) Sometimes i tend to take my strengths for granted and dwell on my failures. I hope this time, there won't be any, insyaAllah

Thursday, 1 December 2011

Priceless experiences in Egypt

Of the 60 + days I spent in Egypt, each day carries with them a unique collection of memories and stories that have all too often been left untold. With each passing day, another memory of life in Egypt vanishes and another story is permanently lost, but some memories are meant to be stored in my mind.

Lot of things have happened, some are good, but some are just not worth to keep. Knowing egyptians is interesting for me but most I encountered are annoying and they just deserve your cursing words. : 0) 

But I'm glad to meet new friends here : ) It helps me to learn new things. It somehow makes me feel better about myself :3 

So, here's some of the things I experience since I came here :

- Traffic here is a total nightmare! The drivers are nuts. They would simply increase their speed whenever they see pedestrians (especially malaysians) by the road and some would even intentionally drive towards you and turn the car away. pissed off isn't it? They behave really uncivilized here, even when driving. and there's a reason why there's no ease in the flow of traffic here. I experienced this before, we almost got hit and what we did was just cursing lol. 

The Mansourian taxi is at once a blessing to tourists, but can also be the cause of much frustration. Taxis in Mansoura do not use meters, or any fixed system at all. All the taxis have meters, but will never use them. Every once in a while I have heard stories of taxi drivers turning on the meter when they have foreigners in the car, and then trying to charge them the price on the meter, which is much more than the usual. So if your driver tries to turn on the meter, or charge you the fare on the meter, immediately tell him no, and if he refuses, leave. I still remember when the driver cheated on us, he fixed a certain amount of LE but charged us more when we got out of the car. Don't let the driver take advantage of you, seriously you cant act good here, you have to be nasty at times and show that you are not gullible. There were a few times when they tried to rip us off just because we are foreigners, but all you need to do is just walk away and tell him the price is fair. In my case, I usually end up with arguments. 

- People here, mostly narrow-minded ones always call Malaysians 'huga huga or abuya' it means a description of 'orang asli'. It's due to our Malaysia tourism advertise pictures and videos of Gunung Kinabalu, Gua, so they assume we people live in the cave etc. Tell me how small-minded can they be? They just need to be educated in Malaysia, seriously. Plus, most of them don't even understand English, it's kinda hard to communicate and the best part is whenever you say something, bad word like 'stupid', they will just laugh cause they don't know what the hell that word is. lol. 

- Some of them are quite rude and so annoying. I am appalled at the way men behave in this culture. They  are just bloody rude. Ah, get me away from this people please. And some of them are just sex maniacs. So far I have never been groped or what and that makes me really thankful enough but one of the worst parts of this is that dealing with the stupid and rude people are affecting my view of the Egyptian culture and I feel so bad about feeling that way. So, it’s a cycle. I get angry, and then I’m angry for being angry. I tell myself I need to think of it from their perspective, I need to be more patient, I need to be x,y,z. But, I’m getting to the point where I don’t want to make excuses anymore. I don’t want to feel like I need to “be” a certain something or accept being treated with such disrespect.

-Pollution, this, unfortunately, is a major down-side of living in Egypt. The air pollution is ridiculous.  Almost everyone smokes including some little kids and women (biggest turn-off ever).  Supposedly, breathing the air in Mansoura City is equivalent to smoking twenty cigarettes a day.  I managed to have some allergies when I first arrived though I have never had allergies for a quite long time! Furthermore, there were even a couple instances where I would get random nose bleeds in the beginning. 

- Noise pollution is something else too. Everyone honks their car like there's no tomorrow. I have heard of people having to replace their car-horn every three months (i didnt know this was possible) but i gotta put up with it for the 6 friggin years, man!

- Different language we speak make it even harder to ask for help. Sometimes i find it funny when we just respond 'aiwa' whenever the cab driver tries to initiate a conversation with us. God knows what he's thinking.

I have had an amazing time in Egypt thus-far, alhamdulillah. And everywhere you go you would meet all this kind of people, not only in Egypt, everywhere. But, don't get paranoid easily : ) I really have a countless life-experience in egypt but i barely remember all of them. Hehe. Will post another, when I could flashback them : )

A pat on the back. *grins*

Today i woke up a bit late than the days before. As in very late. But i managed to be at the lecture hall before the lecturer came in. A big relief I must say.

Usually on Mondays, Our first PBL is ongoing. Today, it was just another Monday. The same ol thing happened. We'd been given a new case and brainstormed the objectives. Since it is a student-centered programme, we have to go through the case, discuss among us and pick up the snippets of information which could potentially be the aims. Today, I was coming down with an unstable state of mind. I just didn't feel good, didn't feel like doing anything. I felt situation in the PBL class was too stressful. Was it because of our Dr talked about test results or was it something else? I couldn't figure out. But all I could say was I was stressed which led to depression and I became sad. Sigh. Felt there was a huge brick hitting me and I need to get it out off my chest. Get me??!? I hate myself when it comes to coping up with emotions. I let my emotions speak up and it all showed in my facial expressions. That was what happened that morning. Hmm.  I just wished to bury my head in the sand and pretended I was fine, enjoyed and got active in the discussion but it wasn't easy. I just kept quiet from the scratch up to the last minute of discussion.

Finally, we dismissed. Ah, I just wanted to be home quick and sleep! That's what i do best whenever I feel so down. If you see me sleeping and eating a lot, it means something is wrong. lol.

Khairina and I waited for Zulaikha outside our class at the pavement. So we did a bit of talking with other girls who dismissed a bit earlier than us. I stood still, leaned my body on the wall while just lending ears of what they were talking. Then I saw my lecturer, Dr Sohayla walked out of our PBL class with another lecturer (maybe). From far, I just greeted her and said thanks for the lesson. She then grabbed my hands and said 'how are you, dear, i wanna talk to you' she touched my hands in a reassuring way, ask me how i want to be helped and took me to a quieter place.

This was our conversation

Dr : Are you okay, my dear? Do you have something bothering you?
Me : No, dr, I'm just fine, it's just that I feel a lil bit stressed-out.
Dr : Why? You have other problems?
Me : No, I think its regarding my studies. I feel that I have been really unproductive these days.
Dr : No, it's okay dear. Come, let's talk somewhere *we headed to our pbl class*

Dr : Why, Elina, why? Do you have any problem?
Me : My studies, Dr. I'm disappointed with myself. My results doesn't measure up to my expectation. I expected something high, but ... That's why i feel a bit depressed.
Dr : No, Elina. It's okay dear. I have always believed and expected good results from you. I know you can do it. But do you have other problems? Relationship with people?
*she thought I had strain with one of my tutor mates, lol*
Me : Relationship with people? I'm fine with everyone. Maybe it's just me.
Dr : In studies, not to worry, I always have hopes in you. If you need notes or anything, come straight to me. Don't be sad.
Me : Thank you dr, I'm sorry I disappointed you a lot.
Dr : Nothing, you never. Just believe in yourself. Try your best to get what you want. I trust your capabilities.
*She hugged me and gave me pats on the back and shoulder*
Me : *touching gila* Thanks dr, you are so kind. Appreciate your time.
Dr : Whenever you have problems, come see me.

TELL ME HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO FEELL???????? :P I felt relieved. Ya Allah, thank you so much for everything you have planned for me. I'm so thankful to have that kind of lecturer, it reminds me of the lecturers who taught me back then in high school and matrix. :')

Her voice was warm and caring as she soothed me after a fall and she continued comforting me with calm words. So toucheddddd =') I loved it when we took turns in a conversation and she waited expectantly for me to express my feelings : ) She's just a someone who is pleasant to communicate. I love people who always have believed in me and people who don't make me feel inadequate. I promise to make you proud of me! : ) 

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Sunday, 27 November 2011

27th November 2011

It is not even 12 hours yet since I last walked out of my exam hall for my midsem test they already posted the marks. :D it was quite a nerve-wrecking day than exam studying days for me though.

There's no deserving word ought to say than 'alhamdulillah' doesnt matter if you did or did not do your best. You still gotta be thankful for the marks you got.

It may not be the best, yet good enough for me : ) Allah gave me that much : ) I'm so grateful and again I have to remind myself this will never be a starting point for a comfort zone yet a starting point to be all-out for the upcoming exam. Gotta exert the driving force up to the max level! Sounds hard but it will be all worth it at the end of the day.

Here goes to my batch mates :
Well done all of you! You have tried your best, to those who may not be satisfied with the results, just don't let worries creep into your head. Move on and plan a better one ahead. : )

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Wednesday, 23 November 2011

: )

: ) : ) : )
I feel better and happier today than yesterday.
Alhamdulillah : D

Friday, 18 November 2011

Random post

I love kids.
Ada gaya dak ada gaya dak jadi mummy : D

This is what you end up doing after you racked your brain for long hours. 
Okay byeee, gotta sleep now : )
Much love.

Thursday, 17 November 2011

Le familia amor

I miss my mom and dad.
I miss talking to them.
I miss Yong too : (

Mama, ayah, someday I will make you two proud of us, you just deserve all the great things in the world. I'm sorry for my wrongdoings, you three are always in my prayers. I love you all so much.


Gottogo. Gotta wake up for Qiam later, insyaAllah. Nights earthling <3

'bismikallah humma ahya wa amutu'
Dengan nama-Mu ya Allah aku hidup dan mati

Just bad : (

I was thinking the other day about the possibility that I’m not a good person afterall, that I may be a really bad person but I’m not aware enough to see that I’m a bad person. Not only would I be a bad person, but I’d be an ignorant bad person. Sigh :'(

I commit sins a lot. Can I get them wiped out?
I have a lot of imperfections. Can I improve them?
I'm not a good person. Can I turn to a better person?
Will people leave/hate me for the imperfections I have?

It's bothering me a lot : (
Ya, Allah give the strength to me, and forgive all my mistakes, Certainly, Allah is Forgiving, Merciful.


I love hugs, seriously.
I love to hug people.
I miss hugging people tightly.
 I am so huggable and lovable : D lol.


With all the grueling studying I go through, the frustration I endure and all the deadlines I somehow make. With all the information I have to absorb like a sponge eventually. May Allah give ease and favour to me. Amin. 

“And whosoever puts his trust in Allah, Allah, sufficient is for him”. (Ath-Thalaq: 33)

Are these the reasons why you want to become a doctor?

I found this image on a friend's page but none of these supports my point to become one.

When I was a kid, I listed a few things I could do when I grow up. And being a doctor was never in my list. I liked Maths, but I hate to do calculations at times. I was just lack of willingness. Whenever people asked me "What is your next goal to achieve?" I would say 'I want to be a CEO someday' But no one gave a damn about it. 

As the years passed by, I got discouraged and wished to just revamp my goal. I want to do something that could give my life a purpose. Something I could contribute to the community and so on. That's becoming a doctor. I imagined of having a high salary, happiness, buying a sports car and living my dream house. I sometimes get a little bit twist when people claimed being a doctor is all your choice if you wish to have all that in hands. Honestly, I never think so.

Being a doctor is not all about money, but it's about your willingness to help people. And I believe becoming a doctor is the most rewarding journey you will ever experience. You will in charge of preserving life, bringing life into this world, saving lives, and diagnosing problems in the lives of many people quickly and effectively. And I'm not saying doctors are so powerful can heal anything, they can only try their best to help prescribing medication not to heal anything! Only God does that : ) Hell big of a responsibility to take on, I believe! Oh, and not only that, lol

 but, you will carry an amazing pride behind being a medical student. Hehehe. You know why?  

Let's just take this situation : everybody has heard about the dinner you're invited to by your fiancé's family where the father grills you about what you do, who you are and what you plan to be. All before even attempting to ask what your intensions were with his daughter.
We all have seen the expression and instantaneous relief and happiness in the father's body language as soon as he hears his daughter is dating someone studying to be a doctor, or better yet IN medical school.
What you may not realize is that this is not just something that many fathers want for their daughters- to marry someone who is successful and career oriented- but many of the fathers whom are or were doctors themselves see an immense flow of respect for the guy whom is studying to enter this field. Hehehe. Okay, enough Elina!!!!!
You can have a high ambition, give your life a purpose, choose a career but the most important thing is to work strenuously and steadily to achieve that ambition and never go adrift. : ) Make sure you'll be able to differentiate between wishful thinkers and day-dreamers : D 
No matter what you are doing, never ever forget to perform your prayers and renew your 'niat' always. : ) 

I miss having those times with loved ones : ( 

Sunday, 13 November 2011

Katyyyy Pewwwyyyy

She's so drop-dead-gorgeous. I lavvv her <3
Oh and this song too : )
Can't stop playing this on repeat.


What the helll lol.
Source from,
It's a must-tab to open! ; )
And another favourite of mine is
: D

one of the terrifically interesting images I have found so far : )

Wednesday, 9 November 2011

Incredible Egypt?

Backaches. Exhaustion. Cramped ass. Fatigue sleep. Boredom.

Oh well well well, long hours of a journey from Kuala Lumpur International Airport to Cairo International Airport was a heck one of a trip. The tiredness was beyond words to describe. Felt that my body was encumbered with heavy loads. Movements restricted, I didn't get to do dynamism that much. Tell me who could move/stretch their body on an aircraft? Unless if you are a flight attendant, the movement still restricted to just move forwards and backwards with a specific anatomical position. The crowds on airship made me feel a bit claustrophobic. I slept half-way of a journey, the part-way I killed my time watching movies and and and and gazing around the cabin, I couldn't stop noticing the way people acted. Some of them gave direct attention to the mini LCD, while some of them enjoyed catching sight of every corner of the aircraft, and half of them wished for just a nap but ended up hibernated themselves throughout the journey. Lol.

Time just passed like a dust wiped by the wind. I realized the plane was about to touch down when the lead  cabin crew announced upon landing and I could see the flight attendants remain stationed at exits. 15 minutes took off to keep calm. and Finally passengers disembarked the plane. Oh-uhh I finally gasped for air! Gladly reached at Bahrain International Airport for transit. Stayed overnight at a hotel. The weather was too cold yet quite refreshing. I couldn't stop shivering to the blasting climate.

I was quite stunned by the amazing land of Bahrain City. It is considered to be one of the most superb natural beauties of its own capital, Manama. Although, Bahrain is the smallest city, its astonishing beauties can never be a let down. The place captivated much and made me feel outta this world. I wish I could spend longer bouts travelling around the city, but time paced so much faster than ever, we already had to leave for Cairo.

Another few more hours on the airplane before arriving, I had nothing beneficial to do but bedtime : ) Good enough sleep I must say as it took about few times for my friend to wake me up.

So, here we were, in Cairo International Airport. It didn't measure up to my expectations. But, I couldn't outrageously put overall assumptions about it yet. I might be wrong. 2 and half hours of journey from Cairo to Mansoura by bus really no fun. The surroundings didn't capture my attention much, probably because of the long-haul traveling contributed exhaustion which totally brought down my mood to even look around. : (

We reached Mansoura around 9.30pm, in the back of my mind I always thought Mansoura is a far-out place, but I was wrong. It isn't that kind of poverty-stricken place. It is just nice and convenient to study. I'm hoping for upcoming great days with new people here.

p/s : A great start to learn deeper about other people's culture.

Saturday, 5 November 2011

Deep down

Today is my last day in Penang. I need to do a last-ditch attempt to make sure all the prime stuff orderly equipped before leaving tomorrow. It's hard, I feel that my feet are frozen to scared and unmovable. I have had this feeling to go or not to go, But this is all about my future. The future I have always had imagined myself as I would like to be, doing what I want to do, and I'm about to take one step towards my dream. now I'm packing for that. Things are well-packed, but in terms of mind and soul, I honestly am not mentally prepared for it. Time flies so fast. I still remember when I told a friend of mine I'm leaving this October and she said 'Lama lagi, ada few more months to go' She somehow has taken my thought of leaving soon away. Yet now, it's a different story, all I have got is less than 24 hours to leave.

The hardest thing to do is to leave people you love. The worth-remembering memories I had with them, the pieces of my heart I left for them, it doesn't matter how often you meet or never meet or you only cyberchat with them, still it puts impact on you when it comes to the people you love. I am easily drowning with emotions when I reminisce every moment of it. Sometimes I get carried away with my feelings but that's just me : (

So, I woke up at 5 am, I did not really sleep well last night, i felt mind-interfering somehow made me harder to sleep. : / Again, I did a final check. And At 7am in the morning, we headed to KL. Along the way, I had this mixed-up emotions. I couldn't take so much notice of how I feel. I've come at a point of knowing nothing how to prevent emotions from arising. And too much of 'what ifs' on my mind.

What if I don't feel ease when I reach there?
What if I couldn't stop feeling homesick and couldn't face the emotional impacts for missing too much my family?
What if the people there are not as good as people in Malaysia?
What if this and that?

I was just too overwhelmed with my supererogative thoughts. : / Hamstrung by fear and trials : /
In my car, I spent most of my times talking to my mom and dad. There were times I couldn't stop tears from rolling down. That's how emotional I could be :3 I cried real hard, dude! Haha. Such a cry baby. Hehe. Its true what most people say, if you cry alot, the tendency for you to doze off is easier than ever. So, I fell asleep. It wasn't a sufficient sleep, yet it was good enough to just ease your mind and rest your eyes for a spell. I felt just calm.

Reached our hotel roughly about 12pm. Had lunch with the family. Felt really good. Cause I believe a well-spent day is a day with your family. : )

My daylight time ended at 1am, was half-aslept and body was barely functional. Gotta hit the sack.


Wednesday, 2 November 2011

Burppppdayyyy y'ol!

Today. 30th September. I turn a year older whenever this date comes. I go by the age of 19. Sounds old? But I'm neither one of the old people, I'm just a recycled teenager : D Everyone has a version of this story on their birthday. However, the main storyline remains the same.

I went out dinner with my family which was on the night before my birthday. Mom and dad acted as if nothing worth would happen on 30th. It's either they planned something secretly for me or they totally forgot about it. Hmm :'(

Time clocked at 12am, I received lots of enlightening birthday wishes from my fam members and friends. Wishes are just enough for me. It's like people are praying good things for you. : ) Alhamdulillah, I'm still breathing at this point of age, I still have my loved ones around me, I still can see this beautiful world. I'm too grateful for words. : )

One thing I noticed about the wishes, was most of em were hoping for me to get married fast! Haha. Omg! This is hilarious. I mean oh come on I'm only 19, I myself never expect to get hitched this young? But why not? Haha. I don't know why but I always dream a marriage : ) But, cut it off Ena, for god sake you are only 19! Gosh!

And not forgotten for those who bought me pressies! : ) I love gifts and surprises! For 2 consecutive years, I always had a surprise from my good friends, this time was a bit different, I didn't feel like having joy on my birthday, I have two days left before I push off to Egypt :' ( It saddens me a lot, I have no idea how to put into words to utter my feelings : / Only Allah knows.

Anyway, thanks to all of you for the wishes! Mean so much to me, May Allah bless all of you.

Lotsofloveeeee people!

Unpredictable feelings.

I was trying to clarify to someone about my mixed up feelings today...but it's hard to explain them to someone else when you don't completely understand them yourself. ;/ my mind is running hard, body's feeling weak. I am weighing down with the constant worries, guilt, fears and hell lot more.
Is it because I only have few days more to stay in Malaysia or is it about some people who have been really frustrating lately? Or is it both? All I know is I'm sick of this feeling. I'm mixed up. :'( 

Ya Allah, kuatkanlah hamba mu ini, Amin.

P/S  : I haven't even started anything yet to pack. =,='

Thursday, 1 September 2011

there is just one life for each of us: our own

Often times I simply get caught up in the ordinary stuff of life. Like I don't feel good about this and that, then my mind starts to wonder why things don't go this way but why not things go the way I want em to be? Sometimes I do feel that I need a radical dose of truth to snap out of it and get MY thinking straight. Instead of wishing for more, newer or better, take another look at what I already have. Scorn for the ordinary is something I easily lead to believe and with that in mind I must train myself to always feel a sense of gratitude and appreciation NO MATTER HOW BAD LIFE BRINGS ME DOWN.

I'm still breathing- Unlike some people who only depend on the oxygen tank struggling for their lives.

I am alive - I'm able to wake up every morning and stretch my arms and say 'thanks for the gift of a brand new day'

I have my family - Unlike some people who don't belong to a family. I'm glad I have them around to give me opportunity to give, receive love, laughter, grow and etc.

I can see - With my eyes, i can watch the magnificent world I live in. I can see MY face in the mirror. I can see beautiful faces of people. I can see my special someone's face hehehe.

I can hear -. I can hear the laughter of family, friends, the ringing of my phone, and hear the words “I love you.” :)

I can speak - I can utter words that can encourage, inspire, teach, guide, comfort, uplift, motivate and say the words “Thank you”; “I am here for you”; and “I love you.” I can speak sarcastically too lol

I can move - . I can be joy in motion. I can dance, I can run, I can tap, and I am able to travel around the world!!!

I can eat - I can stuff myself with chocolate cakes (all-time fav), I can have ice-creams, nyumnyum. I can taste sweetness and bitterness of food, not spicy ones!

I can drink - I can have fresh juices to quench my thirst. Oh yehh

I can smell - I can smell my body!!!! The perfume of my beloved one :p

I can touch - By touching, I can express my love without words. Special caress and soothe would be for my future husband lol

I can read - Read messages : ) I can read letters or words and they are not inverted or jumbled.

I can feel - all sorts of emotions : ) Happy, sad, excitement blablabla and the most important thing is LOVE! ; )

I can think - I can doll up! and the list goes on : )

Life is beautiful, isn't it?

I love my life, I love myself most importantly. I value myself so much : ) Even I put on my biggest smile, that doesn't mean everything is good for me, BUT, things can never always go the way we want them to be, I'm grateful enough for what I have, for things I go through or I've been through. Alhamdulillah syukur ya Allah : )

I just wanna spice up! You know make sure to add something interesting in my daily routine. Following a schedule is good, but this can eventually become boring. Its like i'll already know what to expect on a daily basis. The things that i do end up becoming automatic, so it’s time that I need shake it up and take things up a notch.

my purpose is to just sneak in something different so that i’ll see what’s worth doing when i run out of ideas. Just need to give myself a break as well. It's like my weekends should be mine.

It’s a matter of spoiling myselff every so often.

Do that as well! You’ll see how much better your days can be. :)

Friday, 26 August 2011


Maxxx Maxxx.
Drools for the botak!

Fav lines : 
I hear your heart, cry for love.
But you won’t let me make it right.
You were hurt, but I decided,
That you were worth the fight

In your heart, in your heart, in your heart.
I don’t care who was there before.
Give me a chance I’d make a,
Permanent reservation.
In your heart, in your heart, in your heart,
I can tell you can fit one more.
Open up make a brand new start,
I don’t care who’s stayed before.

Aww, touched touched.

54th playlist

Music washes away the dusts of life.

Current favourite : ) 
Civalias - Anything but you
Fav lines : 
I see the colors in your face like the paintings that you hang
But only you can read your mind
You don't believe me when I say that your smile makes my day
A little better every time
And I just don't know what else to do
I can't think of anything but you
Oh dude, seriously I hate my blog skin. Yuck! Last time my blog used to well turned-out and abit saucy. LOL. Now, I have drawn a blank on how to revamp my blog skin. Euwww, me suck : (

Bye :'( </3

Thursday, 25 August 2011

I don't know what I am feeling now, I wish you could read. 

You are what you feel.

Ay ho people! I can't believe I'm trending myself again with this 'ons and offs' mode of writing. And I'm like WTF =,=' So sorry for been locking up my blog for too long, And I doubt most of you are avid readers of my blog. Tsktsk. To say my eagerness to write ceased would be an oversimplification. It's not like I have never written anything, I do write, spamming my friends' timeline on twittah : ) I somewhat involve in producing lines : p It's just that my blog has been an uncommunicative online journal : ( Ok boil down the crap now, move to where I'm heading.

It's been a stressful yet bearable month for me. I mean, I'm grateful I actually make through this Holy month, no diabolism and get to re-evaluate my life in light of Islamic Guidance. I've been truthfully looking for this month, to actually instill enlightenment to Allah, insyaAllah :p I think we are all damaged in our own way, nobody's perfect , i think we are all somewhat screwy, every single one of us. But, I'm trying and never stop trying to improve to be better.

Nevertheless, life still meets you with difficulties and struggles. Life is not easy, even for those who have that pretty easy lives. You need to make the best use of your mind to react and work em out. I believe depression   has been shown to pave the way to illness and you know there's this feeling make you 'I don't feel good about myself'. I feel that sometimes and it seems like nothing will ever go right again.  

But then I came up with this 'Mindful awakening therapy' lol. I gave a room for myself to experiment home facials : D I have always wanted to lie still and take a few moments to experience the sensations around me, like how my head feels resting on the pillow, how the comforter feels on my body, and how the homemade natural remedies feel on my face : ) Oh people, believe me! I felt rejuvenated and revitalized. Felt so pampered on my skin, but not only that, it even maximized benefit to completely relax your mind and body : )

I used mostly basic homemade remedies, and it's known that different type of facial masks has come a boon for all those longing for a flawless complexion and to bring back the glow : D So, you could try some basic homemade facials if you can't afford going to the spa on a regular basis. Whatever it is, be gentle to your face, do not simply scratch the texture of your skin you might accumulate the bacteria on the pores of your face unknowingly, do not touch your pimples (I experienced it myself, will lead you to disappointment, dude!) and please be alert of what product or homemade facials you are using, some may not be applied to all skin types. Just get a moment and understand your skin texture. Take care of your beauty and hygiene. You needn't necessarily to have sharp features, like pointy nose, sharp jaws, pouty lips etc. Do what makes you feel beautiful and gain the glow! 

Okay chow.

Saturday, 20 August 2011

thoughtful day!

Period.  Comma.  Exclamation Mark.  Questions.  What you say and how you say it, will influence every relationship and conversation you have in your life.  Have you ever said something and the other person took it the wrong way? I honestly have always faced this kind of situation. I mean yeah, sometimes I don't have an idea what the other person is talking? is she/he trying to make me feel offended? Or That's just how she/he sounds it? 

Perhaps, it was the tone in your voice or your body language.  Were you too loud?  Were you rolling your eyes?  Were you making some weird FACE expressions?  In every situation, I think you should consider very carefully how you interact to the people around you.  Whether it is your family,friends, boyfriend/girlfriend, your words and how you speak them will impact your relationships in the way that YOU CHOOSE to impact them.  If you expect a certain reaction or to be treating respectfully, choose your words and how you say them very carefully.  

You wouldn't want to poison yourself with negative thinking right? So, consider your words, you do not have to sound really mean and make other people feel offensive about your words. It blocks communication and friendships. And that does not mean you have to please everyone like fuck. LOL. I am actually writing this for the food for my thought ; - )

Have a glowing day peoplee! 

Here's the song for you guys to enjoy : 

Thursday, 18 August 2011

Worthiness gained. Pre-medic 2011 : )

5th June 2011, It was a day where the things that were hard to bear are sweet to remember.

 The date, I was inscribed as a premedic student, had this bummed out feeling as I expected it could be.  Big piece of myself had an unbalanced hunch with mixed-up emotions not knowing if I could bear with the-so-much-distance-from-family-and-favourite-people-where-I-could-have-enjoyed-with-them. For God sake, it was only few miles away, UPM, Serdang. Scratch the miles, I loved them too much and it was still quite far away for me : p and another problem was I just couldn't clarify why was it hard to accept the fact I'm still gonna go away even not now, but later on at some point in life. If I didn't turn up for the course,I'd be dead guilty for my parents even when they won't blame me. But my mom and dad have had an impact in my life one way or the other. 

At certain times in our lives we have trouble accepting things are literally good for us, because things are not how we want them to be, right? In the back of my mind I always thought this could be a good course for me to attend, for my sake, it has a freaking chronicle of my targeted future. But, my driving force inside of me, enraged, because I want things in a certain way. All I knew I was weighed down with a feeling of my heart was dead set against the premedic course and felt almost like a small child shouting within me 'NO'!! and whilst I physically don't act like a child and stamp my feet. Whatever my fortune could be, I still went on with the new circumstances.

5th June :
- enrolled for the course
- house key and room key taken
- met new faces from different states
- Gotta know my housemates <3
- Solat Isya Jemaah 

It was really good to know my housemates, we did a bit of icebreaking in our house and, they are very amiable and easy to talk to. I've got a kelantanese roomate, I called her, B : ) That night, I started to adjust to a new environment or some of you might say 'culture shock', for me personally, culture shock is not like as sudden or as shocking as most of you expect, it's like a cultural adaptation. Adapt with new people at a new place. Being self-centred doesn't work if you are in a new setting. I honestly experienced some of discomforts at first but I believe it was a natural stage in order to redesign your new environment. 

The next Monday morning, 6th June, we had our very first lecture from 9am to 12pm. Yes, it was right on 3 hours. It was something I never ever had in my entire life  that freaking 3 hours of lecture (in fact we don't do that in matrics even for extra classes!) and they paused you just about freaking 5 mins? It was totally not enough! I couldn't even comfortably stretch my butt! Then here came my commonsensical thinking 'Ohh macam ni rupanya medic life' But, let me put both feet on the ground, that was just a PRE-MEDIC course, dude! Gahhh. We had a 2-hour break and free food given : DDDDD (3 times a day, free food were given from Monday to Friday and Saturday they only prepared for breakfast and lunch, Sunday, food was on our own) Then at 2pm, we had a tutorial class till 4pm. The topic would cover everything we learnt in the lecture. If you didn't pay enough attention in the lecture, you'd face backbreaking in the tutorial class. lol. The syllabus was hell lot okay! We learnt 5 subjects : Anatomy, Physiology, Biochemistry, Embryology & Histology. And at 5pm to 7pm, we had an arabic class. Its fun to learn new lang although it's damn hard for me : ( the only thing I remember was ana kamaan lol it means me too. And that was because one of my classmates always said that in the class. ;>

At first, although the new situation may be confusing, I find it to be exhilarating, a time of new experiences, sights, sounds, and activities. AND the best part was you'll get to know the people around you, differences, as well as similarities. I love meeting new people, knowing them, I love it. And glad they are very nice people. My classmates are awesome, my other bunch of friends too. We are like a big family seriously : )  You know when you are in a new place with  different people, I mean everywhere you go, there's always a drama, it's either happening to yourself, or other people. Like you have this love at first sight thing, then you have this girl hates another girl for being famous, or you could find this group of people, the misfits. the rebels. The troublemakers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. :-)  and some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. But they are who they are, I enjoy knowing this kind of people, because I respect our differences and as long as they know their limits and never get in the way I'm going, that's fine for me : )

The best thing was when you could have a get-together every night. as always you could only get closed to each other when you felt the atmosphere of being separated, which was like 2 weeks before everybody left. I hate it, but I gotta live it, at least we had the chance to be closed and shared moments together : ) It was great to come down every night and played basketball/badminton together, laughed, took thousands of piccies :D and a whole lot more. And there was this 'I teased you, you teased me' moments. And something I'll never ever forget is the teamwork we contributed. Too precious for words and everyone seemed effortlessly helpful! All that was down when we needed to do our own drama for the ARABIC PERFORMANCE NIGHT. Everyone seemed timely productive and came out with a brilliant idea to do with that kind of story. But, definitely thanks big time to our director Munira Seliman : D Oh, I played as Widaad, Gaber's wife. My hubby was a gynaecologist. It was quite a moment of embarassment after all LOL. But yeah it all done, praised to Allah. It was a very successful night and I honestly proud of whoever ran & managed the event. The food was good especially when they served kambing and satay : D

Everything doesn't appear all good, there must be at least a contravention which we had to sit and face for our weekly exam. And whenever we had a test every Saturdays, you could see everyone was breaking their neck and went all out for the exam. Uhh.  I accustomed to that kind of life few months back in matrics. I missed it. And It was hard to relive those days during the premedic course. lol Inhale, exhale, relax. That was what I did best whenever I felt a little depressed or anxious. It's like if you don't make every effort, you won't get to the top. That's how stressful you could be!!! Still and all, I learnt to be passionate for our troubles, the trials of life and bear with the hardships and push your potential ability to the limit if you want to succeed! : )

 It's surprising how much memory is built around things unnoticed at the time. 23rd July it was the end of everything. The priceless experiences we gained in the premedic course took us steps to be an apprentice medical student soon : ) May Allah bless all of you.And I have pictures for you guys : D

My lovely housemates :
From left : Thira, Wani, Nurul, B, Finaz (behind me), Fatihah and Yang
Miss gossiping, shouting in the house, eating and walking together to the class with them ;'(
<3 <3 <3

           My classmates : Finaz, Muni and Aqilah. 
They are psycho to death! Miss those crazy moments and arguing with them!
Love you guys!

Some of my tutor mates : ) Happening yo'!

Hahahaha that's my friend Filzah :p Apa Filzah buat tu oiiiii ;p
My fav scene in our drama : )

Fuyohhh KL gangster habis! Bravo to Zafri and Hakim. 

I played as Widaad and Hakim played as Gaber.

That's Muni! Our director and also played as a pregnant woman, I was holding her baby : D 
Okay, macam dah ready lol

and we won first placeeeeeeee!

the guys in my tutorial group, the one wore maroon shirt is Zuhri, That was his last night. He left premedic for KKN. 

Meet Shafinas and Naim!

Gila gila friends. :)

We love taking pictures. Hehe =D

Sheesshh tak clear : ( It was the last dinner with them and our dear ustazah at 
Half-Moon restaurant. The food was yummeh.

So, that's all. Thanks for reading. Byeeeeeee : )

Monday, 8 August 2011


Hello, we meet again :D

what's new here? exam results collected! Yeah I understand the panicked feeling you get before the exam results day, the signs of struggling to sleep, too much of 'whatifs' on your mind, constantly worrying about your future, being scared of letting people down. I had gone through all these a week before my exam results day which fell on May 18th 2011, big-league momentous-mattered-much day! 

Because of 200+ thousands students accessed to the same site, the internet reliability and speed was a big turn-0ff =/

Argh, I almost gave up. I ended up sleeping the whole day =/ It was at 9pm by the time I checked my result. WOW. It was good enough for me, more than enough, i never expected, I mean like you know with that kind of result  could never stop me from going out more often! hehehe. Alhamdulillah. I still believe effort and hard work will eventually pay off at the end of the day and you will gain something unexpected or something beyond your words! I'm grateful :D

Some of you might not be happy with the result, you might turn out and say 'darn, i should have done better' or 'i would have stayed up everynight' or 'If i didnt stick my butt in front of a lappi, i would have gotten better'. You know what? There's no time for that, seriously. Never regret for what happened in the past, happening now or will happen soon. Allah has always better plans for you, all you could do is just pray for the best. You have done your best, you struggled like a mad kid, but Allah gave u that much. Its okay, never moan, that will make yourself look ugly. Be strong, face people, move on and always be better. Take it as a lesson, never blame the fate, You just don't know what awaits you in the future, it might suprise you. Just always be prepared for the unexpected. :)

Have a good dayyhh, peeps! 

Saturday, 7 May 2011

passing time

We didn't talk about anything heavy or light. We were just there together. And that was enough to put a smile on my face for the day. Those were the days.

How I wish I could turn back the time to hearts where I belong.. =( 
How I wish I could turn back the time to where all of us stayed in one place and had fun laughing.. =(
How I wish I could turn back to 2010.. =(
How I wish I could be the one who would start fixing everything to be okay..

Life can either be accepted or changed. If it is not accepted, it must be changed. If it cannot be changed, then it must be accepted.
Changes. easier said than done, yeah? 

Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go. and I believe any change, even for the better, its always has its drawbacks and discomforts. sigh. I dont know where to start or specifically to bring back the good times we had together. ( 'we' particularly referred to those people. You should know who you are)  I'm still figuring out why and how could this come up, where things are going differently and leave something unpleasant to me.

I just need some retail therapy. Period.